Homework works!

I am both a therapist and a professor. More often than not, my students are easy to teach.  A syllabus is constructed for them, and it is mandatory.  Clients are different.  Counseling is a delicate practice, and clients don’t need to be taught.  In fact, we know from experience and even from research (like “motivational interviewing”) that we learn the most about ourselves when we discover insights on our own.  So, while a client isn’t always sure what is happening, the therapist is asking questions or making statements that simply promote their own self-discovery.  Advice and even psycho-education are often discouraged in therapy. 

I like to operate in a slightly more flexible realm. Clients often want advice (although that might be precisely when not to give it).  But clients also want- and deserve- to be educated. They want to understand their anxiety, what grief looks like, how trauma might settle into their bodies.  They want to know what to do about it.  Increasingly, psychologists are “allowed” and even encouraged to inform and guide clients, because it often does work.  The best therapy (in my opinion) is delicately balanced between guiding and not-guiding, informing and instilling confidence (and patience) in clients to inform themselves. 

Many clients have the patience to do the work in the therapy room, but they might also want a recommendation for a book or an assignment they can practice on their own.  This is a great goal, and a tricky one to execute.  If I suggest an assignment, a client might fear disappointing me if they don’t complete it.  Luckily, I am not a school teacher, and suggestions are nothing more than offerings.  

Also, what happens in therapy is hard to translate to other formats.  Like this blog, therapy is almost always centered around language and how we make meaning through language.  So it’s important to find “self-help” through the other systems and experiences in our bodies and lives… art, nature, exercise, sleep. When it comes to words, “self-help” occurs spontaneously through song lyrics or the words of a child.  On paper, novels and poems can be the greatest self-help of all.  I like to find out what my clients enjoy reading and what moves them.  I also like for them to explore the meaning of their own words, through journaling and logs.

Of course, my clients inform and enlighten me as much I as I do them, as evidenced by the long, hastily-scribbled list of books and podcast recommendations on my desk. I like the homework, but I’m glad I don’t have to turn it in.