Distance Therapy: The New (Ab)normal
Abnormal psychology is one of those rite-of-passage college classes that piques one’s imagination and does not disappoint. Strange and extreme conditions are pretty intriguing when learning about them from a distance. But true abnormality, or pathology, is something quite devastating. There’s no fun in it whatsoever. I think a global pandemic qualifies.
Nothing is business as usual and of course, for some, there is no business at all. Jobs lost, businesses shuttered, hopes dashed. Talents and passion projects and labors of love all on hold. As we hunker down, tending to ourselves and our families, waiting to forge uncertain futures, I feel especially fortunate to be able to do what I love, to connect to people in this strange new virtual landscape.
Even before the virus, I had been pleasantly surprised by video formats- telemedicine, videoconferencing, whatever the heck we are all calling the act of sitting awkwardly on our devices, trying to read each other’s body language (upper-body language?) while working through deep stuff. It’s quirky and glitchy and somehow… human.
Millennials and Gen Zs are so comfortable on screens that, at times, they are more themselves on FaceTime than face to face. Also, it’s cool to see their bedrooms or houses or dorms. But only if they want you to… they are expert backdrop curators. The rest of us old folks are quickly realizing that it’s actually quite easy, downloading a link, inviting or joining a virtual waiting room. Lighting doesn’t matter in the virtual therapy session, bring yourself just as you are.
The major downside, obviously, is privacy. My real-life clients know to slam my office door against the frame to get it to shut- that’s how much soundproofing I have smooshed between the cracks. Privacy. The essential function of therapy. Parents, kids, inadvertent walk-ins or curious onlookers to a virtual therapy session… simply ruinous. Going for a walk and talking on the phone might be more feasible, but has its own limitations.
A pandemic is riddled with limitations, and we are getting the hang of them. Every decision and movement and interaction is a renegotiation of everything we deemed presumable and civilized. We used to strive for balance: autonomy and privacy and independence on one hand, connection and relationship and interdependence on the other. Now, there’s a little too much of both. We miss connecting with the world, but we clamor for space from those at home.
But even that would be a generalization. Everyone is faring so differently. One can read about the apocalyptic advantages of being an introvert (it’s a guilty pleasure during a pandemic, but some like staying at home just fine). Bonding with immediate family isn’t always such a bad thing, either. But change is change, and it’s hard. And, people’s real-life goals and challenges are the same, perhaps amplified. So, the therapy must go on!
And after it all, I will revere the simple pleasure of seeing you back in my office again.
